Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
