It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
