I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
