Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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