maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
