when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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