Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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