Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize