My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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