i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
