You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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