I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
