well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
