addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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