I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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