Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He kissed a someone with a penis
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
