so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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