I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
