This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
