You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
