im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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