My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
