onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
