It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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