Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
