every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
