And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
