It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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