it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
