You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
