so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize