just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
