btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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