i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
