I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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