He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
