I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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