I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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