I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i out mim tonsoeep
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