he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize