Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
