The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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