I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
