I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
