We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
