I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
