Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
