i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
