onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
