Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We have started to decorate penises.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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