just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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