carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
