Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
