Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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