If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
