went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
