i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
