The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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