Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
