I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
