i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
