youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
