I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize