the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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