Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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