it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
