lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
