Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
