last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
