i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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