She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize