well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
