hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
